Annoying Git Dave
As well as living in Bristol and wondering if my life will ever turn out the way I’d planned it when I was younger – I was going to be a famous comic-book artist, and everyone, even people who had never seen paper because they hadn’t even got enough water to go around, would know about me! – I spend my time wondering why it is that some people seem to have all the luck. You know what I mean, right? I’m talking about people who just seem to be able to do anything they want.
Take my mate Dave for example. Now, Dave started off life at a disadvantage, seeing as he actually did fall on his head when he was younger, denting his head in like a steel-drum, but he made the best of it. He was always inventing, and on his twenty-fifth birthday he said to me, “guess what?”
“I couldn’t possibly,” I replied.
“I have a wicked idea for some mini pop up display stands ,” he went on, and very quickly I shut off. Dave, you see, was obsessed with inventing and this, as far as I was concerned, was just another one of his mad ideas that would never go anywhere.
Three weeks went by after the party. I was beginning to think Dave was dead, so I called him. This is what happened.
“Dave,” I said, hearing a voice, but it was obscured by a swooshing noise, “where the hell are you?”
“In Bermuda with Bermuda shorts on!” said Dave, Dave dropped on his head (our nick-name for him).
“Why?” I said.
“I made it!” he said.
And slowly it dawned on me that something was wrong…Or very right if you were Dave. He sounded far happier than usual, and I could hear other voices on the line too: voices of Bermuda babes…
Then Dave said, “call you when I get back, got to go and see someone about signing the contract. I’m getting a million and a half for me invention mate!”
And hung up.
I know I shouldn’t hate Dave, as he is my friend, but I do. Because when he fell on his head, the bit that was sensible and generous got damaged. So I knew I’d see no money.
My advice is as follows: if a friend of yours invents stuff, be nice to him. You never know when his or her fortune might just change…
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